I'm realizing, as the months go by after Tillie's treatment has stopped, that all the emotions, worries and fears won't go away so easily. The complaint of leg pain, pale skin and any kind of new sickness makes the memories and emotions that went with them flare up just as painfully as they did when she was first diagnosed. I call Mary Bridge so many times, I swear they must be getting sick of me. But they always calm me, reassure me and never seem frustrated with me. And now, I find myself looking for the same signs of cancer in Ravis. It terrifies me that Tillie's cancer was caused by a twisted gene, one that runs in families. He's at increased risk, and I don't think those thoughts will ever leave me.
Whenever people ask me how I got through this, I often find myself at a loss, because there is no "getting through it". I honestly don't know how I survived these past years. You don't get through, you just last until the end of the day and thank God your child has lived another day, and you pray they make it through another. But it doesn't end with chemotherapy, steroids and antibiotics finally stopping. Rashes, mental and physical complications, new allergies, all these can come long-term after treatment. She will have to see an oncologist for the rest of her life.
So the next time you talk to a parent of a child with a chronic illness, please don't ask how they get through it, they don't know. Don't ask when the side effects will end, because they never will. The effects will haunt a family forever. Just give them a hug. Its amazing how much a simple hug will help.
(Only writing this post because I'm constantly asked these types of questions, and I'm better at communicating through writing!)
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